i went to my mom's the other day after work. she was sitting at the kitchen table chatting with my brother, who was sitting opposite at the table. the day's mail was strewn about on the table in front of them.
my mom must be on someone's list. she gets tons of catalogs, especially when the holidays are coming. you know the type: miles kimball, lillian vernon, sharper image...? so there's several laying on the table.
i'm just standing nearby, leaning on the kitchen counter, listening absent-mindedly to their conversation, while flipping through a magazine. don't even remember what they were talking about, and it really doesn't matter.
i happened to look up at some point, took a minute, before saying, "what the eff mom, what kind of catalogs are you getting now?" they stop talking and look at me.
i point at a catalog laying open in front of her. the two page spread displays a selection of 'muscle relaxers.' no, those are definitely an assortment of dildos, vibrators, and cock rings.
she looks at it and sort of shrugs. she doesn't really get what she's looking at...ya, she is that 'innocent.' my brother, though, he starts giggling and goes off on a routine of jokes, totally leaving whatever topic they were discussing in the dust.
grabbing the catalog, we realize it's just those two pages. the rest of the pages are filled with kitschy junk you would expect. after explaining what they are to her, she was just like, "oh my!" as she realizes pretty quick what they are selling.
my brother meanwhile starts talking about the various models, and for some, starts rotating his body, in a rendition of whatever movement is promised by said model. he's very good at physical comedy.
at some point we tease that maybe she thought they were just dog toys...at which point my brother starts running around, a perfect portrait of my daughter's doberman, who'd just been there for the past week. he's a teenage dog, tall, gangly legs, long head and strange eyes. the dog bounded about the house, not quite able to put on the brakes on the linoleum flooring, or getting all up in the food on the counter, as yes, he is that tall.
my brother skittered across the kitchen and bumped right into my mom, still playing the part of the dog. it was just a bizarre scene and turn of events, and definitely livened up an otherwise boring day.